The Secret Life of a Female Gamer

Okay I lied, I’m not going to bed. I’m going to write a second post for the night because anyone who follows this has been so gracious in allowing me to go over 2 weeks without updating.

SecondLife has a reputation for dirty, pseudo-sexy, money. You can make a million dollars by selling fake real estate, and holy mother of God, it’s real money at that. My only question is what the hell that one woman claimed on her taxes.

This virtual reality world was always a mystery to me; they claim that it is a place to do exactly what you’ve wanted to do in real life, only online and without fear of real repercussion. And what human being doesn’t like being able to do things without consequences? There is something flawed here, however, because I’ve always wanted to be a firetruck and I don’t see that option anywhere in the “creating an avatar” section.

In an effort to learn more about the people involved in these games, having been a major fan of The Sims, I signed up and within minutes was recruited to become a voice escort for a classy joint called Club Venus/Club Mars, a club owned by a real life husband and wife. I walk up to some random guy asking how to work my controls and the next thing you know I’m being pimped out.

After an indepth conversation with this man, I decided that an investigation was completely necessary–and if I happened to make some money while doing it, then awesome. An application and interview later (yes, I was interviewed…), Valessa, the wife, took me over to buy me literal “moves” for my avatar. She said my walk was too ungraceful, like an elephant. This is disturbing only because my roommate also said I walk like an elephant normally. As soon as I knew it, I was shaking my hips and ready to get on the pole (online. I’ve been ready IRL for years).

Lindin currency is strange; the conversion rate is currently 300L to $1USD. If you want to make some money, hope for a high roller to walk in with a wad of lindin in his skyrocket (pocket). The other “employees” would walk around and have conversations with each other as if they were friends in real life; it’s fucking fascinating! You people are all online! This is a fucking game! HOLY SHIT you have a nice voice and OMG IS THAT WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE?! Someone get me a drill bit, and preferably also heroin. I’m going to try and forget this moment as best I can. Is this what the normal population think WoW is like on a regular basis?

After a week, I finally had a customer of my own. There were rules established for how much you could take off your avatar based on the amount of tips they gave you, as well as whether or not you could talk into the microphone or chat via private chat box. This guy, like some men I’ve dated IRL, was a cheap ass and didn’t tip me very well, but enough so that it was required that I remove all the clothes from Herroamelie (that was her name. So sexy, right?). Fortunately for me, one of the employees gave me a vagina modification earlier that day so I could upload one more real looking. And let me tell you how fortunate I felt:

D:

WTF.

Now, at the risk of destroying how ridiculous this is, I’d like to clear up the fact that I never actually escorted anyone. Most of the time I would put my avatar on “loop” on the pole, where she would be doing various dances while I could go downstairs and watch Scrubs. The one particular instance where I just /removed each article of clothing was about as far into the scandalous nature of SL that I got–and I wasn’t even talking.

Finally, I decided this social experiment was too time-consuming, so I stopped playing and uninstalled it from my computer. Yes–too TIME-CONSUMING, and not because this place is full of fucking weirdos. Let’s face it, you can go to bed feeling somewhat accomplished when you’ve been saying “WTF” in your head for 2 straight hours.

And guys look at me like I’M the crazy one when I make murloc sounds while fooling around. Priorities, people.

chaime Uncategorized