The Secret Life of a Female Gamer

First of all I’d like to apologize for my lack of updating. My job at the current moment is undergoing a huge project, and as the office bitch I’m subjected to doing all the work – which is fine because it means time flies but when I get home I either a) sleep or b) go out and devour pancakes with my roommate. I’m rethinking the second option only because last night I felt like someone punched me in the stomach repeatedly and then told me to go to work the next morning.

I used to keep up a blog called datingisthenewawkward.blogspot.com. It was a particularly crappy blog, like all the others I start, about how I go on bad dates. Blame it on the guys even though really I’m the reason things got weird, etc etc I want a voice on the internet too dammit so there! Turns out I’m very good at blaming others for my mistakes – at least that’s what my dad tells me and we haven’t divulged into that deep dark part of my psyche in therapy yet so let’s just keep thinking it’s my fault.

ANYWAY.

Social awkwardness is a very good friend of mine. We’re like bffs; we take showers together and practice making out with our pillows during sleepovers. I’ve known her all my life and she’s been right there with every possible situation imaginable. Except recently…she’s been a bit distant. Both of us have jobs now, she’s got a baby and I can’t stand her boyfriend. Then not two months ago, the one opportunity that we’ve always waited for presented itself – we found someone who has his own Social Awkwardness bestie too!

Ever since I started playing WoW there has exploded a plethora of new awkward situations to put me in because let’s face it, pwning face is fucking FANTASTIC. When I received a midnight phone call from my old roommate, I thought she was meth’d up again and rushed to my phone hoping she wasn’t going to scream asking for directions from an unknown park in San Francisco again (I don’t miss that). Now, I’m not one for brevity but for the sake of your attention span I ended up feeling forced into a date with a guy I didn’t want to go on a date with.

What ensued the following night was the most fucking awkward situation ever. I had just been laid off, my ex and I had been broken up for 18 hours and all I wanted to do was play WoW. Naturally, I tried talking about it but instead he interrupted so he could tell me all about his problems with women. I’m…not kidding. This kid had PROBLEMS. 23 and never had a girlfriend, former fat kid weight issues, and tried way too hard to get into my pants. When I dropped the, “Can we just be friends first?” line, he shoveled the food into his mouth as Social Awkwardness and I watched in complete disbelief.

Long story short, when I gave him a list of therapists he should see (which he asked for, thank you very much, he sent me this:

“No offence I’m not interested in taking advice from someone who plays world of Warcraft allday I feel sorry for you I don’t want you to contact me again you are very strange and you kind of creep me out!

Take care!”

Not only could this kid not spell or use punctuation, but he shot ME down for playing WoW. Mind you, after my extensive therapy sessions I know he was just trying to find a way to make none of this his fault, which is okay – but man, he cut deep.

Then last week I went on a couple dates with someone I happened to actually like, and when I was initially talking to him I asked my best friend not to mention I played WoW.

“Oops.”

Great.

What is the stigma of not wanting people to find out? And furthermore, when they do and they judge you, why do they judge you? Jim Gaffigan, one of my favorite comedians, said during one act, “No one goes around bragging they ate a whole cake. You say, ‘I just ate a whole pizza!’, and people think you’re really hungry. You say, ‘I just ate a whole cake!’, and people go, ‘I think you got a problem, buddy.” What’s the difference between being fashionable and having a shopping addiction? Or the difference between playing video games and then having dreams that one day you and Link will run away together outside of Hyrule castle to a land untouched by Ganondorff’s evil? (Don’t ask.)

It all comes down to perception. No one really knows that the reason why I initially played was because as a crazy person, I tend to fantasize my reality and live inside my head. WoW has curbed that, so now I live with all the normal, boring humans and be something completely different a few hours a week on the computer. There are some people who enjoy one thing passionately, and in truth, isn’t that something we all wish for? To like something so much we strive everyday to be better individuals at it? To those who can’t understand that, I seriously think they’re the ones who cheat on their significant others or go out every night trying to lay someone because they’re lacking something in their lives they truly love.

So fuck ‘em.

Not literally of course. Come on, who wants to fuck a crazy WoW player? They’ll probably scream out, ‘FOR THE HORDE’ in bed or something. Very awkward.

chaime Uncategorized