The Secret Life of a Female Gamer

When it comes to gaming, the one thing that we, the gaming population, endure is getting a lot of flack for our choice in special interests. So I like to sit around and talk to people I don’t know, stare at a computer screen for 10 hours without so much as a bathroom break, give me a fucking break. Give me one good reason why I should exert any energy in taking a walk outside. Does it involve getting better raid gear? No, it’s probably going to give me a sunburn so fuck it. I’ve got the whitest skin in existence, no one wants to see me in shorts anyway, there are enough blind people in this world I don’t need to help create anymore of them.

The thing about male gamers is that it is so easy to make fun of them, and it’s easy because there are definitely a lot more guys who play than women. I mean…A LOT.

But this post isn’t about making fun of gamer guys; it’s about pick-up artists. What the fuck do pick-up artists have to do with anything about gaming?

On an earlier post, “Is it safe to come out?”, I mentioned how my ex and I met up with a group of guys who kept making fun of me for a passing comment I made about WoW. Come to find out, one of the guys I talked to was actually a professional pickup artist and employed a common technique to pick up on women. This is called “Negging”. On Urban Dictionary, it is described as “a negative remark wrapped in a back-handed compliment. Your neg will confuse and intrigue them and maybe even shake their confidence a little bit, but only enough for them to fall from the clouds and be interested in talking to you. It’s a way to get through their defenses at bars.” (Obviously I didn’t write that definition, because it sucks grammatically).

After you’re negged, they see how hurt you are and offer to buy you a drink, say something like “Oh I thought you knew I was just joking around, I’m sorry”, and you’ll forgive them because who doesn’t want a free drink? If I have to put up with that asshole I’m going to ask for a shot of their most expensive tequila. Of course I left before he could be nicer to me, so later on a couple days later I found a compliment in my inbox on Yelp saying something about “Hey thanks for the ride blahblahblah I had a lot of fun hanging out” whatever all I could read was “I’m a douche”, thinking to myself why is this guy being so repetitive?.

Then it hit me; I was negged. WHAT THE FUCK. Look buddy – make fun of my albino skin, or about how my hair is a weird shade of brown, or my laugh sounds like a hyena on crack but you’re making fun of something I wouldn’t bat an eye about playing instead of talking to you. That’s like telling a 5 year old that Santa isn’t real; something an asshole would do.

And if I would rather play a make-believe game than talk to you, then you might need to reevaluate who the one with problems is.

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Okay I lied, I’m not going to bed. I’m going to write a second post for the night because anyone who follows this has been so gracious in allowing me to go over 2 weeks without updating.

SecondLife has a reputation for dirty, pseudo-sexy, money. You can make a million dollars by selling fake real estate, and holy mother of God, it’s real money at that. My only question is what the hell that one woman claimed on her taxes.

This virtual reality world was always a mystery to me; they claim that it is a place to do exactly what you’ve wanted to do in real life, only online and without fear of real repercussion. And what human being doesn’t like being able to do things without consequences? There is something flawed here, however, because I’ve always wanted to be a firetruck and I don’t see that option anywhere in the “creating an avatar” section.

In an effort to learn more about the people involved in these games, having been a major fan of The Sims, I signed up and within minutes was recruited to become a voice escort for a classy joint called Club Venus/Club Mars, a club owned by a real life husband and wife. I walk up to some random guy asking how to work my controls and the next thing you know I’m being pimped out.

After an indepth conversation with this man, I decided that an investigation was completely necessary–and if I happened to make some money while doing it, then awesome. An application and interview later (yes, I was interviewed…), Valessa, the wife, took me over to buy me literal “moves” for my avatar. She said my walk was too ungraceful, like an elephant. This is disturbing only because my roommate also said I walk like an elephant normally. As soon as I knew it, I was shaking my hips and ready to get on the pole (online. I’ve been ready IRL for years).

Lindin currency is strange; the conversion rate is currently 300L to $1USD. If you want to make some money, hope for a high roller to walk in with a wad of lindin in his skyrocket (pocket). The other “employees” would walk around and have conversations with each other as if they were friends in real life; it’s fucking fascinating! You people are all online! This is a fucking game! HOLY SHIT you have a nice voice and OMG IS THAT WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE?! Someone get me a drill bit, and preferably also heroin. I’m going to try and forget this moment as best I can. Is this what the normal population think WoW is like on a regular basis?

After a week, I finally had a customer of my own. There were rules established for how much you could take off your avatar based on the amount of tips they gave you, as well as whether or not you could talk into the microphone or chat via private chat box. This guy, like some men I’ve dated IRL, was a cheap ass and didn’t tip me very well, but enough so that it was required that I remove all the clothes from Herroamelie (that was her name. So sexy, right?). Fortunately for me, one of the employees gave me a vagina modification earlier that day so I could upload one more real looking. And let me tell you how fortunate I felt:

D:

WTF.

Now, at the risk of destroying how ridiculous this is, I’d like to clear up the fact that I never actually escorted anyone. Most of the time I would put my avatar on “loop” on the pole, where she would be doing various dances while I could go downstairs and watch Scrubs. The one particular instance where I just /removed each article of clothing was about as far into the scandalous nature of SL that I got–and I wasn’t even talking.

Finally, I decided this social experiment was too time-consuming, so I stopped playing and uninstalled it from my computer. Yes–too TIME-CONSUMING, and not because this place is full of fucking weirdos. Let’s face it, you can go to bed feeling somewhat accomplished when you’ve been saying “WTF” in your head for 2 straight hours.

And guys look at me like I’M the crazy one when I make murloc sounds while fooling around. Priorities, people.

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“Don’t tell anyone but…I’ve never played World of Warcraft.”

Apparently this statement is borderline between naivety and stupidity. Among my group of friends over the course of 10 years, I am the least hardcore gamer and therefore slouch over when they all stand in a group with their big gaming vocabulary and leaving me to guess what the hell they’re talking about. Of course, all my friends are super hardcore so me saying “least hardcore” really means I only play for 40 hours a week and not 80.

Go out into the real world? Not so much, it seems.

Back in January my ex-boyfriend and I went to the city (San Francisco) to indulge in some amazing food and, what we hoped was, amazing company. After enjoying dinner with friends and the need for alcohol could not be suppressed any longer, we headed outside to drive where the rest of our group would be. This…did not work out so well. Halfway out the door and we met some guys who seemed fairly entertaining and invited them out. I made a passing comment, mostly intended for the ex but could be enjoyed by all, about WoW. Then, like a level 10 walking through Eastern Plaguelands, I was verbally assaulted with jokes made at my expense. Okay, one is fine. Oh you want to join in too? That’s okay, let’s keep it to a minimum. No? You just won’t stop? Why am I giving you a ride? You can find your own way home.

My friend Quinn, who set up my site for me, was one of those people. Unlike the rest of them, however, he is an awesome individual because he apologized and listened to the reason why I play WoW – this is why he deserves major props.

The other ones…well…I stopped talking to. Literally. That seems a bit harsh but they’re assholes anyway.

My point is that it’s hard for people to come out and say they play this game. If you’re an avid Xbox player or you can’t stop talking about GTA4, you’re just a casual player and who cares. But the moment you slip into an MMO…it’s like you’re walking around with a target on your forehead through a rifle range (I’m coming up with some great analogies tonight). When is it ever going to be okay to play video games? It’s like hating a certain race because one or two people wronged you, or like saying all gay men love to wear pink and go to Folsom Street Fair and wave wands around like a pretty princess – it’s only true for a small, and much more fun to be around population. Stop generalizing.

I admit though, I generalize a lot too. Like when I see a guy with a striped pink popped collar white shirt, I’m going to automatically assume he’s a douchebag. Or if a guy starts spouting off philosophy quotes like he memorized them to get laid, I’m going to automatically assume he’s not only a douche, but pretentious too. Then I’ll steal his classical CD’s.

This is different. There are over 11 million regular subscribers, with more than 30 million having tried the game out at least for a 10 day trial. You can’t say that every single one of them is missing work for raiding, or fat, ugly, etc. Most of us have jobs, a real life, and can only level when they have time for it. If I knew a hardcore WoW player I’d probably make fun of his ass too. Just saying. (And I do…my roommate)

Now if you will excuse me, I have to get to bed because I’ve been staying up way too late this week leveling my character. It’s time for a break. Someone please hide my laptop.

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